Playing Pretend
by bluskysfrompane
Summary: Duncan drags Logan to a carnival the Halloween after Leave It to Beaver. Logan isn't very fond of the idea but Duncan makes him go.
1. Glass Houses

"Hold on, move."

"Dude, Logan, what are you doing?", Duncan queried as Logan pushed him to the side and riveted his eyes on the tops of his Puma's, attempting to position them in a rather awkward position, mimicking Duncan's previous foot placings.

"What the hell, dude," Duncan tried again.

"Just wanted to see how, from your angle, you were ever able to conclude that I was a fan of Halloween." Logan cocked his head to the side, giving Duncan a smirk and his typical gesture, forming a circle with is thumb and forefinger, before allowing a chuckle to escape from his lips. Duncan laughed and returned the grin.

"I just thought that maybe, you know, you might want to see the world outside of this house."

"You mean," Logan sarcastically ventured, "that there is something bigger and better than all of this, his hand motions indicating to the surrounding rooms of his house, "out there?" He pointed effortlessly to the door.

"Ha Ha, Logan," Duncan returned through smiling lips.

"You know I hate Halloween, Duncan." Logan said as the smile wore from his face.

"It's the most pointless of holidays. People dressing up, pretending to be something they're not and then calling it a holiday. How is it different from any other day?" Logan's voice faded as his inquiring eyes landed on Duncan.

"Well," Duncan began, "For starters, the date is October 31st and it..."

Logan cut in, "...and the attire is that of ghost costumes, princesses, vampires, goblins, and my personal favorite, M&M's."

"Logan please, it will be fun. Honestly, when is the last time you went on the 'Tilit 'a' Whirl,'or played darts, attempting to win some goofy teddy bear?"

"Oh, now that's a way to persuade me to go, Logan sarcastically replied, "remind me that you will drag me on every single ride there and then proceed to remind me of the games on which I spent too much money and never win jack shit. At this point my prize better be an all expense paid trip to the Caribbean, just so I can break even."

The emphasis was put on the last word and Duncan erupted into laughter, punching Logan in the arm.

"Oh my God, I almost forgot how bad you were at those games. Oh man did they love you, the boy with the determination of a leopard, but the aim of a drunk sailor on shore leave."

"I'm glad I can bring a smile to your face."

"Ya well you better hope that smile stays there or I'm gonna put on my 'gonna kick your ass' face if you don't walk out of the house and get in the car."

Logan sulked out of the room mumbling something out of the corner of his mouth pertaining to how badly Duncan would get his ass kicked if they fought. Duncan shook his head and followed Logan outside, knowing better than to argue, into the late evening air and got in the car.

"You owe me big time, DK. This has got to be worth at least a candy apple and maybe a fried dough, preferably after I've been dragged on all the rides in order to ensure my bodily fluids remaining inside my body and not all over myself or any other innocent bystander," Logan said with an over enthused smile. A smile that reminded Duncan of the high school guidance counselor's and he was just waiting for Logan to offer him a piece of candy or telling him to speak his mind.

They parked and walked towards the lights and the noise and the wafting smell of sausages and roasted peppers. When they reached the gates each took out money and bought a few sheets of tickets in which to use for the rides.

Duncan picked the first ride, dragging Logan onto the pirate ship. Each side took its turn being propelled toward the sky and then eventually being pulled back down toward earth and reality. Duncan picked the second and the third ride too before Logan decided that he was starving and the temptation of the fried dough overrode the idea to wait until he and Duncan were through with the rides.

People were dressed in their Halloween costumes and as Logan and Duncan ate, in attempt to avoid the more painful subjects, they critiqued each costume and claimed their favorites.

In an attempt to delay their return to the rides further, Logan claimed that he needed to digest and he and Duncan walked around going on the smaller, less motion rides. They went on the bumper cars and Logan rammed into Duncan every time and Duncan always missed Logan as he darted away by some miraculous driving skill.

They then found themselves in the glass house, Duncan in front of Logan and Logan easily subjected to follow. They wove in and through glass panes watching as others crashed into other the sides or into other people. They were amused, even if only for a short while, but they continued on. About halfway through the maze Logan lost Duncan and he tried t work his way through the labyrinth by himself, but somehow he had managed to get himself in a corner and was failing miserably at finding the right direction.

As he turned around in his small cube feeling for the path he looked through the glass and found he was face to face with Veronica. They stared intensely at one another both searching for emotion. Both searching for the emotion that they both knew was there but both were successfully hiding exceptionally well. During their prolonged stare Logan reached up and placed his palm against the glass. As she returned his gaze she reached up and placed her palm against his, wishing with all her heart that he would never leave and they could stay that way forever.

As Logan and Veronica stood there the world continued on. The Ferris Wheel continued to rotate, causing blue circles to dance across the floor in the glass house and tracing over their feet as the stod motionless. The Bumper Cars continued to screech and crash and the 'Scrambler' continued to maneuver around itself, somehow always managing never to collide. People continued to laugh and scream, continuing to play their roles, pretending to be something they weren't and no matter how hard they tried, never would be, and for once Logan wouldn't have it any other way.

TBC...


	2. Glass Walls

Mac shook her head, giving Veronica an inescapable look. Her eyes deeply pleading, begging Veronica not to do this. Not to torture herself with these 'high school/perfect couple' fantasies. That this Logan relationship would never work and Mac believed, deep down that Veronica knew that and that's why Mac knew it was okay to voice her beliefs on the outcome of the relationship, convincing herself that she was just laying all the facts on the table . It was just coincidental that Mac's list of cons was much larger than that of the list of pros.

It had been a beautiful day and an even nicer dusk as the sun had dwindled on the horizon spilling shades of pink through the sky until it fell over the edge leaving an array of deep purples and blues.

Veronica and Mac had been in the empty parking lot of the school discussing Veronica's recent encounter with Logan. Logan, the boy in which Veronica's emotions had started off as that of a good friend, had turned the opposite direction and plummeted to enemy, had flirted with love for a while, and were currently resting at that of a distant acquaintance whose past, and probably future as well, were entangled, and deeply intertwined.

Words came easy to the two of them as they talked. Both were extremely direct and to the point and preferred the same consideration from others. Communication was the base on which Veronica and Mac's relationship had been founded. They understood each other in a way that no one else could, or even come came.

Mac opened her lips as if to say something and then quickly closed them again, but not before Veronica had noticed.

"Just say it Mac, I can take it. Honestly."

"But can you really Veronica? What's your definition of 'take it'? Is it when you confront these issues and work them out or does it mean that we act like nothing ever happened and that whatever part of your life that these events rocked never existed," Mac quickly rambled with an accusing tone that was never heard from her, but was fitting well in this particular situation.

Mac was honestly worried and deeply concerned for Veronica. Emotions were just something that Veronica Mars couldn't handle. Mac thought of how she had seen Veronica handle everything up until now, and it wasn't healthy. She put it away, tucked away perfectly, in the back of her mind. She would let the dust settle on it covering it with a thick layer of white fuzz where it would hopefully become less visible, less painful and as the years passed the memory would just disappear, dissolve into the dust. Or at least that is what Veronica hoped would happen, her attempt at an escape from her past, which in the pit of her stomach, she knew would never happen. Her past was a part of her. Was her. And she hated it.

"Okay, what is that supposed to mean Mac," Veronica said in a somewhat defensive, but more curious of a tone."

"All I am saying is that this Logan thing won't work. I am saying that your encounter with him was very symbolic, with a sheet of glass between you, that that is how your relationship would be. Your pasts would cloud and consume the relationship, preventing either of you from letting your walls down. The walls you both built to protect your emotions, your feelings, and your heart. During rough patches of the relationship, when people, lost in the maze, felt for the hall and smudged their hand prints onto the glass is when you could most definitely see and feel the glass wall between the two of you. Or you could try to polish and scrub the glass until you couldn't see that it was there. You could wipe all the fingerprints and dirt form it, hide the walls the best you could, but there would always be the pane of glass between you, a barrier to protect from pain and hurt. I guess that is what I am saying," Mac finally sighed.

Veronica sat silently, looking at the floor in the passenger's seat of the bug, hating Mac for that second for seeing through the disguise, and cursing the truth for that is what it was.

"But what if I throw a rock through that glass and shatter the wall," Veronica sheepishly smiled as a tear ran down her cheek, clinging to her until she finally wiped it away.

"Well then you'd have to climb through the hole in the glass, trying carefully not cut yourself, which you more than likely will do and you have to suck up the pain and reach him. And it would be hard. And it would be painful."

Veronica, hating how philosophical Mac sounded, but truly appreciating how Mac was reiterating the truth that she already knew and refused to acknowledge up until now, quietly uttered, "I don't know if I am ready to destroy my pane of glass yet. It has taken a lot of time, heartbreak, and disappointment to build. Can't I just take it out and put it to the side for safe keeping?"

"No, you have throw the rock through."

To Be Continued...


	3. Glass Water

Veronica got home late after meeting with Mac and she quietly tip toed into the apartment. After a quick pit stop at the fridge, where she pulled out a bottle of water, Veronica walked into her room and placing her palm against the edge of the door, muffling the thud as it closed, dropped her bag on the floor. With a deep sigh Veronica sat on the edge of the waterbed, which yielded to her body and conformed itself around her small frame. She brought the plastic to her lips and poured its cold liquid into her mouth. If she had been her mother's daughter, as Logan had once hinted at sitting behind the wheel of his Xterra, she would have been pouring a stronger liquid down her throat, drowning her problems for just a moment in a fog of alcohol.

When she was satisfied she got up and put her water next to the green, digital numbers which reminded her that it was almost quarter of twelve and she was exhausted. She wriggled out of her jeans and kicked them to the side of the floor and were soon followed by her pink cami and her bra. She lifted up the pillow on her bed to reveal a man's navy blue long sleeved shirt with white words that read, 'If I gave a shit you'd be the first I'd give it to.' She smiled a little to herself as she held the soft cotton of the shirt to her face, closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. It still smelled of him, the perfect mixture of vanilla, cologne, and sea salt, and Veronica could never get enough of it.

Her bare skin was cold and covered with goosebumps as she placed her arms in the sleeves and then pulled the shirt over her head. The sleeves were a foot too long and the shirt hung to mid thigh and she felt like a little kid again, trying on mommy's clothes. She smiled again at the memory that she could never hide if she tried for the evidence was in her dad's office in the form of a 4X6 glossy.

Oh the good old days...

Veronica loved this shirt and it was starting to show. The 's' in 'shit' was beginning to peel away and there was small pieces of thread hanging off the sleeves where they had started to unravel, but she would just not let the shirt go.

"Veronica... don't you even think about it"

"Too late," Veronica said with a coy smile as she pushed Logan into the pool, Logan grabbing her sleeve and pulling her with him at the last second.

They plunged deep into the water, tangled in each others arms, before swimming to the surface, breaking the silence of the night with giggles and gasps.

"Logan I honestly can't believe you," Veronica whispered through trembling lips.

"For being one to initiate trouble you certainly have a knack for pinning the blame on others," Logan replied with a big grin on his face, "especially me... I'm still trying to clean this target off my back, but it won't go away."

"Well maybe you should start with your forehead," Veronica sarcastically remarked. "I think most people see 'sucker' stamped there and decide you are the perfect fall guy."

"For that you're going down," Logan said out of the side of his mouth before jumping on top of Veronica and pushing her underwater.

Veronica maneuvered herself out of Logan's grasp and swam away, shedding her jeans as she went. When she was safely on the other side she turned and laughed at Logan as he stood holding her jeans on his index finger with a smug smile on his lips.

"Now this... this is not sanitary..."

"Oh please..." Veronica said, shaking her head, "you were already in the pool. My pants don't hold a light to you."

"Well in that case," Logan said before ducking under the water and swimming over to where she was, pinning her against the side of the pool, "we should keep the contamination to a minimum."

Before Veronica had a chance to respond Logan's lips were pressed against hers, pushing his body closer to hers, wrapped in his arms.

They climbed out of the pool, shivering in the cool air as they climbed the stairs to the empty apartment.

"Don't think that I'm wearing any of your mini skirts or halter thingys...whatever they're called," Logan whispered into Veronica's ear as they walked toward the door.

"No? Well that's okay, I was thinking more along the lines of a thong and a tube top," Veronica laughed.

"Funny... you always did have a great sense of humor, Logan stated as he opened the door letting Veronica in first before following and closing the door behind him.

Dripping wet, they both ran to the bathroom and into the tub. Veronica stripped down to her bra and panties as Logan watched in amusements and ran into her room, pulling a t-shirt over her head and a pair of comfy pajama pants over her shaking cold legs. After she dressed she opened the drawer in her dresser all the way in the bottom left corner and pulled out a big, gray pair of pants, an extra large t-shirt and a red pair of boxers.

She brought them into the bathroom where she found Logan still in the tub, standing only in his boxers and handed him the clothes. With a confused look on his face Logan asked, " Your dad's?..hmm.. I had him pegged as a tighty whitey kind of guy.

"Oh...he's got jokes, Veronica said through her purple lips that were curled into a sideways smile. "No, she said on a more serious note, they were Duncan's. He left them here the time I made waffles and Lily spilt maple syrup all over him and he left them here. I washed them but I never gave them back, but I guess that's a good thing because now you can use them and not my mini skirts though I know you were dying to try them on.

"Am I that transparent," Logan sardonically asked.

"Only sometimes," Veronica said, turning around so that Logan could change. Veronica was still standing facing the wall when Logan's hand gently caressed her back and turned her around so that they were standing face to face as their lips met and were entranced in a deep kiss.

Then it had been Logan's turn to leave his wet clothes at her house and she had washed them. And only on dark, lonely nights she would dig them out of their forbidden drawer and pull them on, longing for him.

Tonight was one of those nights as Veronica crawled into bed and fell into a light sleep, her last moments of consciousness spent yearning for him. His scent, his touch, his kiss.

To Be Continued...

Comments...


	4. 99 red balloons go by

The air was stiff in Veronica's room as she let her eyelids fall and her muscles relax, letting her typical tenacity seep out of her exhausted body. Dozing into a light sleep, Veronica sighs, her breath hovering in the stale air before falling lightly on the pillow next to her. The breeze outside the window whispers softly, telling secrets to the trees as the moon hangs in the sky, prominent in a night scattered with stars.

A hand slips over Veronica's mouth as her eyes dart open and the tenacity that had left her body only a few hours before crawls back through her skin, swimming through her veins. Her hands automatically fly to the arm of the invisible stranger whose shadow is only barely discernible from the shadows of the piles of laundry that clutter the floor.

Surprisingly, a soft whisper answers the questions posed by the clawing of Veronica's fingers.

"Shh...it's only me."

"Oh my God... what are you doing here? Wait.. 'only you', Veronica mockingly asks? "... Only you in the middle of the night, breaking and entering and I have a feeling a kidnaping charge will be added in just a few minutes."

"Veronica...you just woke up and already you have the capability and energy to throw smart ass remarks at me?

"At least I'm not throwing punches."

Logan shifts on the side of the bed causing a wave as he moves closer to Veronica. He is only inches from her face when Veronica, letting the sheet that she had held protectively in front of her chest fall, leaned in next to Logan's face and whispered in his ear, "where are we going?"

"Well from the look of your pajamas, or rather my shirt, I'll be taking my shirt back and leaving you down on the corner with the rest of the working girls."

With a histrionic expression of hurt plastered on Veronica's face Logan responded, "Okay...I'm kidding, just get dressed...please."

Veronica climbed out of bed stepping over Logan as she went and over to her pile of clothes. She pulled her jeans on, not bothering to change her shirt, well his shirt to be exact, and she stood waiting for Logan. Standing up right in front of her, his own height towering hers, Logan reached down and grabbed her hand. They walked to the door where Logan stealthily peaked to see if Keith had awoken, but he hadn't and his muffled snores were still audible as the two walked down the hallway and slipped out the door.

When outside in the night/early morning, air, Veronica took a deep breath and followed obligingly behind Logan. She had no idea where they were going or if they even had a destination, but for the moment she was with him and that is all that mattered then and it is all that mattered now.

She climbed up into Logan's Xterra as Logan climbed in the driver's seat and they were off. They were leaving for somewhere not yet known or decided. Logan's hand was wrapped around Veronica's on the armrest as they drove, but neither remembered when if had happened but they really didn't care anyway.

They drove through quiet neighborhoods where the children were tucked in, safe in their beds. They drove down desolate streets where the trees that lined them were the only company the vacated road offered. Through all this time, however the car remained silent.

Finally Logan parked the car and they walked, hand in hand, to the beach. At first they stayed on the boardwalk, watching as couple after couple walked by, watching as everything they had once aspired to be jabbed a knife in each of their hearts and then twisted it, sending the pain throbbing throughout their bodies until it hurt so bad that it blurred their vision.

"Veronica, do you think you could ever love me?"

"Logan you've barely said anything to me all night and then you ask this deep, serious question...," Veronica trailed off.

"Sorry but I need to know, could you? Could you ever love me?"

"Logan..."

With pleading eyes that seemed to pierce through every part of her, Logan whispered, barely audible, "just...please...could you ever?"

"I already have... Oh God, we can't do this. It will never work, Veronica stated mostly to herself but to Logan as well. Silence revisited them then as the awkwardness of the moment escalated.

They continued to walk down the boardwalk, past all the little shops and stands until they got to the balloon stand. Veronica smiled as she walked over and bought all the red balloons the vender had left, 5 dozen.

Veronica handed the balloons to Logan for a second as she took off her sneakers and socks, carrying them in one hand and having taken the balloons back from Logan, held them in the other. Veronica trudged out into the sand and to the edge of the water, letting the cool water roll over her feet and soak the bottom of her jeans. As she held one of the balloons apart from the others she mouthed something that Logan could not distinguish and he watched her let the balloon go. He watched it go until it became just a small dot in the colors that were currently slicing through the sky, claiming it morning.

"What are you doing," Logan asked with a confused expression on his face.

"Why? Wanna try, Veronica responds with a sparkle in her eye that had been absent for the longest, time and if anyone, besides Logan, had been there to see it they would have thought Veronica Mars lived a happy, normal, teenage life, but she didn't. The sparkle was just an abstract illusion and was once extremely commonplace but now was a rare, welcoming entity. And life goes on with or without the fluff in it that makes it better, easier to handle. You learn to cope.

"Here take this, watch me and I'll start and then you can go next," Veronica directed.

Veronica took another balloon from the bunch and said, "a cure for a broken heart," before she let it go. "Just say a wish or a dream and then let the balloon go."

"Umm... "A smile in a world of frowns," Logan said before he too let a balloon go.

And so this pattern continued for good friends, dreams coming true, love, hope, a familiar face in a sea of strangers, family, Lily's happiness, and friendship. Logan and Veronica laughed at some and were quiet and emotional for others, but then again the topic of Lily and Lily herself were always emotional roller coasters.

There was only one balloon left and it was Logan's turn to make up its purpose.

" For wanting something more," he said and he let it go.

Veronica watched it leave and climb into the air, away from this earth and she whispered,

"Ninety nine dreams I have had  
In every one a red balloon  
It's all over and I'm standing pretty  
In this dust that was a city  
If I could find a souvenir  
Just to prove the world was here  
And here is a red balloon  
I think of you and let it go..."


	5. Broken Glass

Sorry it took so long to update…but I did…I get credit for that right? dead silence

The painted colors of the slowly rising sun were seeming to slowly dance off the tip of the paintbrush and sway across the canvas that was the sky and Veronica couldn't remember the last time she had watched and actually enjoyed a sunrise. For years she had considered it to be something that welcomed in the new day that was to be filled with new laughs and memories but after Lily's death it came to be a sullen symbol, just another reminder that it was just another day without her best friend, just another day of cold shoulders and icy stares. Now though, it kind of seemed like it could be a new beginning, a fresh start. Although maybe this painting, radiating beauty could be signed by an ending and Veronica wondered how something so somber as another goodbye could be meant by something so beautiful, but maybe, she told herself, it was some sort of consolation prize in which it was supposed to piece back together the shattered pieces of a heart and give some sort of rescue attempt and fill it with some sort of elated emotion, some sort of beauty.

Lily had hated sunrises as much as she had loved sunsets. Sunsets meant that the night was closing in and that the party was about to begin. Veronica had never understood this idea since Lily's life was already a 24 hour party that never really started or ended and Veronica speculated that maybe it still hadn't ended and never would. Maybe death was the ultimate end, but not necessarily the end of the life, just now it was harder to 'live' for now you had to live through others because they kept your memory alive. They kept you alive.

If not for the whispered voice that pulled her out of her trance Veronica wondered if she would have remained that way forever, tangled in the past and only when some form of reality grabbed her was she able to return to realness. Would reality always have the stronger pull or would eventually the past win the battle and she would remain there, but come on Veronica let's be serious.

"Where do you go?"

"What do you mean where do I go? Where do I go to shop? Where do I go to eat? Where do I go to rent movies? Where do I go to do what?" Veronica quickly replied with a coy smile.

"I don't know... where you went right now, where you go to dream, to think? Wherever it was you just went. Where is it?"

"If I told you I would have to kill you," was the unsatisfying reply.

"Oh that helps. The answer to all my questions."

"Well, come on Logan, what good would telling you do?"

"Some would look on the more positive side, the one where the glass is half full not half empty, and say what harm would it do?" Logan stated sounding more like a shrink than the sharp tongued individual that he was, letting the defensive tone slip from his voice.

They sat in silence for a few minutes both knowing that the question was never going to be answered outright, both dug their toes deeper into the sand until the flat of their feet touched the cool, damp sand that stealthily hid under the drier, warmer sand. Logan finally, in a quiet, saddened voice asked, "Do you think of her?"

He looked up at Veronica to receive an answer but the quiet, dismal gaze was all he needed to suspect the affirmative.

"Yeah, I do too. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if she were still here and..." Logan's voice trailed off as Veronica tuned it out for once not wanting Lily's death to change the mood and for once not wanting to think about it for just a few minutes. And honestly, was that too much t to ask?

Logan had eventually let the topic of Lily roll away with the waves and Veronica had told him what Mac had said and he nodded in silent agreement letting the quiet, awkwardness of the moment hang in the air, mixing with the fog and polluting the air before Veronica turned toward him and asked, "so... do you think we can do it?"

"Do what?" Logan asked in a confused tone.

"Throw the rock through that glass?"

"Oh...that..."

"Well you always were the over enthused sixth grader on class field trips, but yet I still can't elicit a more deep response than "oh...that...," Veronica cooly said letting the words and her tone careen through the air giving Logan a chill down his back when they finally did reach him.

Logan didn't respond and Veronica took the silence as permission to continue instead of letting the anger that was surging through her veins simmer down when she could talk without the anger's red needle sewing hatred into every word that passed through her lips.

So she continued, "Why did you come pick me up tonight? Honestly, I feel I should know... Did you feel like a nice stroll on the beach, but Duncan was busy and I was second best, as always. Because if you did well then next time cut out all the emotional bullshit. Did you feel like maybe you could mend this 'relationship', and yes I use that term very lightly, into a friendship? . Because if you did I'm sorry to say that I took you advice from a few months ago and I already stopped braiding. These words managed to penetrate through Logan and jab a dagger right through his already emotionally crippled heart, and still she persisted.

Did you just feel like breaking my heart again? Because if you did then yes you succeeded and we can go now. The words were barely whispered through Veronica's cracked voice with her eyes filled with tears, maybe of anger or just pain. And that was it the knife was in his heart and she just twisted it to elevate the pain a little more.

Logan took a step and tried to wrap his arms around a distraught Veronica but she pushed him away.

"Go, Logan, just go."

She turned and began the walk to the water wrapping the sweatshirt that hung on her shoulders, his sweatshirt, tighter around her in the cool morning air. She sat down close to the water, pulling her knees to her chest and allowing herself to calm down. She sat there until someone tapped her on the shoulder and she turned around.

"Weevil's taxi at your service," was the snide remark that greeted Veronica as she stared at Weevil. She had calmed herself and was thinking about leaving when she had heard him.

"Hmm... that's funny I don't seem to remember calling a taxi," Veronica said as she stood up.

"Well a young gentlemen called from your cell phone and told me where you would need to be picked up and ta da I'm here at your beckon call."

The two started walking toward the parking lot when Weevil ventured, "So Mr. Logan Echolls..."

"Don't you even start Eli, Veronica snapped back as they finally reached her shoes that she had taken off and left next to Logan's in the sand. She pulled out her cell phone that she had put in the toe of the sneaker, so that it didn't get wet, and put it in her pocket.

Weevil drove her home and Veronica was thankful that motorcycles were loud so that conversation was impossible.

When she got in the apartment she checked and saw that her father was still asleep and she went into her room. She took her cell phone and put it back on the charger and in doing so she noticed the corner of a white piece of paper that fell out when she flipped open her cell phone.

No one calls and awkward discussions. There were no strangers showing up, knocking on the door at three in the morning. Nope, for everything that Veronica needed to know was in that letter and the ball was now on her side of the court and it was up to her to decide what to do with it.


	6. Candy Apple

Veronica had buried her face in the sheets on her bed, choking back tears that so easily surfaced, but were much more reluctant to go away. It had been one week ago that Lianne Mars had called her daughter leaving a tearful message babbling on about guilt and being unable to help herself. It had been two weeks and one day, but who's counting, since Veronica had read Logan's letter that he had left in her cell phone and it had been coincidently the same amount of time since a true Veronica smile had spread across her face. Her lips had flirted with her trademark smile when Wallace had came to visit (after a phone call from Keith worried about Veronica) but since then had remained desolate of any emotion other than sorrow.

"That's it get out," Keith said much in the same manner and tone that he had once used to kick out an unwanted and much hated tenant of the Fennel's.

Veronica groaned and rolled over, facing the wall as Keith lifted the blinds letting the sun creep across the rug and over Veronica's greasy, matted, blond hair that had been deprived of shampoo for the last few days.

"I'll give you five minutes. If you don't get your lazy butt out of that bed by then I'm going to put a hole in that much beloved waterbed of yours," Keith stated before turning and walking out of the bedroom.

Typically Veronica would have just closed her eyes and drifted back off to sleep, but this time she didn't feel that this was an empty threat. She figured that her father was going to keep his word on this one and if he came back and she wasn't out of bed she wouldn't have a bed to sleep on that night for it would have been reduced to nothing more than a big puddle.

She lay there for a few more minutes and then finally got out, well rather rolled out, of bed and slumped off to the bathroom and into the shower. For once she didn't mind when she ran out of hot water and the cold icy stream poured over her body and through her hair.

Veronica threw on some clothes and applied minimal make up before she bid her father a goodbye which consisted with something about putting a 'Father of the Year Trophy' somewhere not specified and she walked out the door. Her first thought was of caffeine and she immediately turned right and went to the coffee shop on the corner. Dreading where she had to go next she drank her coffee extremely slowly as she distracted herself by rearranging the sugar packets that sat in the ugly off white dish on the uglier green table.

It's amazing how teenage girls will conjure up anything that will delay for just a few milliseconds of evasion from the unwanted task at hand. And further more shockingly to Veronica was how much of a teenage, drama queen, girl she could be because sometime during the rearranging of the sugar packets, she glimpsed at her fingernails in which pink, yes pink the ultimate teenage girl color, was chipping off and leaving bare nail exposed. Instantly Veronica decided that much more important than anything in the world right at this moment was the condition of her fingernails which now required the immediate attention of a highly trained professional... highly trained with fingernail polish and a file, but don't underestimate the power of these seemingly unimportant objects for they can be sometimes the best cure for the broken heart or tired soul.

Pulling into the small nail salon a few blocks down from the coffee shop, Veronica spotted Duncan at the red light and she watched as he drove away, and she remained in the parking lot, alone, and unnoticed. When she walked through the salon door she was instantly greeted with the strong yet unmistakable smell of nail polish and acrylic powder. She reached the counter and began looking through the assortment of nail polishes wishing that the biggest decision of the day would be 'periwinkle desire' or 'candy apple,' both of which were at the moment striking Veronica's fancy as she tried to keep her mind off of Logan.

Her manicure seemed to have flown by and wasn't nearly as relaxing as Veronica had hoped for as she sat waiting in the uncomfortable plastic chairs she remembered his smile and the exact way his lip curled and the way one side of his smile seemed to rise higher than the other giving the impression to whoever had noticed that he knew a secret that no one else did. While her cuticles were being cut she thought of his laugh and the way that it seemed to always, even after Keith had accused Jake of murder and he had become her enemy, brighten up a room. As a red layer of candy apple was polished over her nail she thought of his hands, always gesturing and waving through the air as he told stories and how they always seemed to be pulling someone in for a hug or a pat on the back. As she sat at the dryers she felt herself start to crack and tears gather in her eyes and she kicked herself again for being such a teenage girl.

As she climbed into her car she though of his words in the letter, no longer needing the piece of paper for she had read his messy words so many times that she could now pull them out of thin air.

Veronica,  
Somewhere along the line we lost each other again. I know that you think that it was fear that caused me to doubt you and maybe you are right, but at some point Veronica you have to realize that there is something that keeps me coming back to you, wanting you near me and maybe someday you will figure out what it is. Trust me Veronica.  
Love, Logan

Every syllable seemed to slice through Veronica's, usually tough, thick skin and penetrated through her ever so sensitive heart and as she sat grasping the steering wheel she knew where she had to go so without another hesitation she started the car, hearing the engine turn over, and pulled out of the parking lot onto the main street. She sat at the same red light that she had seen Duncan at only a short while ago and she knew that she could get over Logan the same way she got over Duncan. Slowly and painfully.

The light turned green and she drove forgetting the way to her own home and driving , as if it was the only place she had ever known, towards Logan's. She drove by the house and was shocked to see that there were no photographers craning necks and cameras over fences and walls to catch a glimpse of Logan, the son of the movie star and most recently, killer, Aaron Echolls. This was a big relief as Veronica parked the La Baron and walked to the back of the house near the tennis courts. She had remembered Logan telling her how for some reason the alarm system was never installed on a particular 10 foot span of the fence and she climbed the bricks pulling herself up and smudging her index finger on the left hand. When she jumped to the other side of the fence she was glad that Logan's mother hadn't given in to her son's idea of attack dogs and instead went with an alpaca.

The back door was unlocked and Veronica walked into the house very quietly and quickly punched in the code to stop the alarms from going off in approximately four seconds. (Logan had given the code to her while they were still going out so that she could sneak in without anyone noticing, because apparently the flashing lights and the loud wails of the alarm system tended to get people's attention.) She walked up the stairs knowing that there was no one in the house because it was Monday and that was the maids' and everyone else's day off. Veronica climbed the three flights to Logan's room and wasn't surprised when she saw, even though it was quarter past twelve, that Logan was still in bed. Veronica felt tense as she walked into the room telling herself that she could still run and that he would never know that she was there but just then Logan rolled over and lifted an eyelid.

He didn't jump or scream. He didn't look shocked or surprised. Instead he gave a weak smile and lifted the blanket with his arm inviting Veronica in with him. She kicked off her shoes and crawled in next to him without a word. She lay next to him looking into his eyes keeping completely quiet for what seemed like years until he leaned his head down and kissed her. Veronica suddenly felt warm as his lips pressed against hers and she realized just how much she had missed him for the last two weeks. He pulled his lips from hers, their legs intertwining under the covers and whispered into her ear, "I never meant to hurt you."

Veronica smiled in the same sort of weak way that Logan had greeted her and then she whispered back, "You never did."

Those were apparently the words that Logan was looking for and those were apparently the words that Veronica needed to say for she fell asleep in his arms and he in hers.


End file.
